So life has for the most part returned to normal. I still have to go for one more blood test... next week. My Dr. wants to track my hCG levels until it's back to 5 or less. The DH made a "baby dancing" joke last night... so I'm guessing that it means he's ready to move on.

I'm back to working on projects for my clients... which is good. Sitting around the house feeling sorry for myself was doing me any good.

I'm looking forward to trying again after one cycle (our Dr. said that's all we really needed to wait)... but I have to admit I'm going to likely be a ball of nerves the next time I pee on a stick and it's says "pregnant".

~CravingBaby

I've been able to rest and try to relax the last few days. It's hard to know physically and emotionally how long this miscarriage will impact my day to day life. Emotionally I know they'll always be a part of me that feels nothing but gratitude and love for the little one we never got to meet. The other part of me is dealing with the "why me?", "how come?", "I just don't get it" part.

I've been blessed to have very understanding clients (as I work freelance). Only a few of them know and they've been very accommodating while I've been unavailable this week. I've made a decision to not travel as much for work anymore. I don't want to be away from my husband as much as I've been the past two years. We have so much fun together and it just doesn't make any sense anymore to keep working and be gone like I've been. Slowing down was inevitable as we so badly want to start a family... so I figure no time like the present.

Speaking of presents. I think I'm going to give myself a little one this weekend in the form of a pedicure. Thanks to spendy gas prices and saving for the baby I've not had a pedicure in a couple of months... opting to do at home pedi's... that regardless of how hard I concentrate, never ever come out looking as nice as the professional ones.

I'm continuing to feel the physical effects of miscarriage... and this has to be one of the worst parts... it's like having the worst period of your life. Every time you make a potty stop you're reminded that you're no longer pregnant, no longer expecting, no longer within 9 months of babydom. While I'm going to take my time to grieve I am also well aware that life must go on... and so it shall.

Wow. I never thought that I would write a post titled "Miscarriage Update"... but for those that care... that's exactly what this post is going to be.

I went to the Dr. yesterday (I go to a group practice and you typically don't see the same Dr. two times in a row.) Yesterday I met a new Dr. (she's not new... just new to me) and I have to say in the sad and stressful situation we are in, she was wonderful. She really put my mind at ease about what was happening... that it DOES NOT MEAN IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. She said I have an excellent chance of my next pregnancy being healthy and full-term.

I realize that in the future BFP's will never look quite the same, the pure excitement will likely be shrouded with shades of fear and doubt... but the mathematical chances of this not happening again are in my favor.

I still believe that God will only give me what I can handle... and I'm handling this. The moment that I actually said aloud "I release you to God" was a freeing moment for me and since then I have felt a deep peace come over me. I am of course still sad... but I am hopeful.

Thanks again for your support... it means so much.

"Baby Dust" to all the TTC couples.

Yesterday it felt natural to me to write what I was feeling and today I thought I would share it with you. I have received many comments and well wishes both here and on the FertilityGal message boards. I am always amazed at how much comfort and support women so willingly give to those they don't know. Thank you to all of you for your caring words. It means so much during this trying time.


My heart is breaking as I say goodbye to the precious dream that was you. I will never forget how excited I was to tell your daddy that we had been blessed with you. Everyday that I believed you were with me my heart was full of love and joy in anticipation of meeting you.

May God, who has blessed my life with love and hope bring my heart peace and until you and I meet in God's Kingdom may the Lord hold you, my sweet baby, in the gentle and tender and loving hands that he touches my life and my heart with every day.

I loved you and I love you still. Always will you hold a special corner in my heart and place in my soul.

I release you to God and thank you for the joy you gave me... it was a blessing.

I lost my baby today at 6 weeks and 3 days. I went to the hospital and they confirmed I was having a miscarriage. They don't know why... as you all know... it just happens sometimes. I'm pretty low and trying to assure myself I didn't do anything wrong.

~CravingBaby

So I made my first "after-hours" call to my OBGYN group last night. I was traveling and on a layover noticed a brown discharge.... aghhh... I totally freaked. My mind immediately went to the worst. I was exhausted from traveling for work and concerned that I had overexerted myself and done something wrong to my baby.

I called the answering service and the Dr. on call returned my call within minutes. Luckily she said that I shouldn't be too concerned. As long as I wasn't seeing bright red blood, my body was probably just getting rid of "old" blood.

Still it was disconcerting and I've imposed a sort of loose "bed-rest" on myself for the weekend. Figuring that if I take it easy over the weekend, get lots of rest and good food and still am having any icky discharge on Monday I can call the Dr.'s office and set up an appt. for early in the week.

So far my other symptoms include sore tatas, occasional cramping that I think might be my uterus stretching and fatigue.

~CravingBaby

So now that I am five weeks and a few days along it's fair to say that the worry has set in. Now I'm not worried that my smoking, drinking or drug taking is hurting my baby... 'cuz I don't do any of those things (I've never smoked or done drugs... I did pre-pregnancy enjoy a nice glass of red wine on occasion.) What I'm worried about are the deli meats, soft cheeses and caffeine. Right now I travel on occasion for work and eating well while on the road can be hard when you're just trying to eat right for you... try doing it for two!

So I'm wondering when did the I'm worried I might be hurting my baby feelings start? Maybe more importantly... do they ever go away?

Now that the little one is on the way... the "telling" begins. Just when and who to tell when is the real question. My parents know... we actually told them the day we found out. My mother had an "inkling", so we ended up telling them. Besides some very close friends we haven't told anyone else yet.

When did you start telling the baby tale?

~CravingBaby

I found out on Sunday that I'm preggers... and I confirmed it yesterday with my Doc. So now what? The OCD part of me wants to immediately begin designing a fab nursery (don't worry I won't) and start shopping for itty bitty little onesies and booties.

What did you do when you found out you were preggers?

OMG! I got my BFP! Sunday morning I took a digital test and got my very first BFP! I am so excited. I went to the Dr. this morning to confirm and will head back in a few weeks to do a battery of tests and a viability scan!

The Dr. said I am four weeks and four days along... due at the end of April.

I can't wait to start writing about "maternity"... graduating from TTC is so much fun!

~Craving Baby

If you're trying to conceive and you haven't found Fertility Gal yet... or you haven't been to the site lately... you've got to go and check it out. The new design and look is fabulous. A little hard to navigate at first only because it is so different than it was before. There are now even more wonderful ways to chart and track your TTC and your pregnancy... and best of all it's FREE.

Check it out today at FertilityGal.com

Hey gals. Sorry for the silence. I took almost a two week hiatus from "Craving Baby". Just trying to not stress while waiting to test. As of today it's been 32 days since my last period... and I think I see a very very faint line on the preggers test. It may just be my imagination... but my DH sees it to. So I'm thinking there's a good chance I'm pregnant. I'll test again tomorrow or Tuesday to see if I get a darker line.

Hope all the mamas out there in the blogosphere are doing great.

~Craving Baby

I read this article last night and thought many mommas would find it interesting... "The Six Best Careers for Moms." My career has been an important part of my life since graduating college. I've worked to add a variety of skills to my services. I've proven that I am a creative, reliable and passionate professional.

However... now that I've decided I'm ready to be a mom... I really really want to work from home. As a freelancer I do get to work quite a bit from home, but some clients require that I work from their offices on certain projects.

I found the six recommended careers from Caroline's, Divine Caroline blog really interesting.

How about you ladies out there in the blogosphere. Are you work at home moms?

Hey ladies! I am out of town for work right now but just wanted to throw out a huge THANK YOU for the comments on my last post. I feel much better about having these feelings... you've validated them for me and offered some great advice.

~CravingBaby

Woah. What a weekend I had. It was nice and relaxing right up until the end when I found out that my brother (younger) may be about to become a dad. He recently found out that his ex-girlfriend is pregnant and he might be the father (apparently there are a few possibilities... ewww.)

Anyway... I'm sitting here feeling sort of sorry for myself. This was supposed to be my big baby year and instead I just feel like a big baby myself. The DH and I haven't told his parents or my parents yet that we're trying... we wanted it to be a surprise. However, now I'm afraid that when we do get pregnant (if we aren't already) and we announce it to my side of the family I'm just going to look competitive (sort of a little habit of mine). It's probably stupid but it's how I feel.

The DH and I have done everything right. We've worked hard, we've built a loving home and we've planned so that when we welcome our bundle of joy into the world we'll be ready. Now I feel like that joy is hampered by my brother's, how should I say this... opportunistic ex-girlfriend. Neither have jobs, she already has one child and the situation just couldn't be worse (at least from my perspective). "I'm so mad I could just spit" (one of my favorite lines from the original Parent Trap).

The oh-so ironic thing is that if I am pregnant now (I'm several days past ovulation)... his potential child and mine would be due about three or four weeks apart. Arrghhh... this is painful.

So what do you think ladies? I'm a being a big baby or is it fair for me to feel that even though I'm not pregnant yet my baby joy thunder is being stolen?

Well I've been very dedicated to completing my chart on FertilityGal and testing using an ovulation predictor kit... testing the "O". It hasn't showed that I'm ovulating yet... but of course the DH and I are playing the baby making game. The last two months we sticked to the every other day recommendation. This month we're trying every day. I guess we'll see what happens.

What about you ladies? How did you get preggers? Every day? Every other day?

Help a Craving Baby out. Send me your advice.

Hey there mamas. I'm a big Old Navy fan. Since I do most of my work from home I can dress very casually every day and prefer to not spend a fortune on my work attire... therefore Old Navy is perfect for me. Now that I am TTC I'm starting to pay more attention to the stores that carry maternity wear since hopefully I'll be stocking up on some soon.

I just saw today (on BabyCenter) that Old Navy is having a $1,000 maternity sweepstakes. You can enter to win every day between now and October 2nd! $1,000 sounds like a good starting point for me. LOL.

Check out the contest here.

I wasn't going to write about little Caylee Anthony (the missing 2-year-old from Florida) because I wanted to keep my blog light and happy... but I just can't help it. Everyday the media continues to dig deeper and deeper into the case of the missing toddler and everyday my heart brakes a little more for this missing child.

[The picture to the right is of Caylee Anthony. She has been missing since early summer. If you have seen Caylee please call authorities immediately]

The entire story seems so "shady"... someone knows where that little baby is and I can't help but think the outcome will not be good. Wanting a baby so badly I can't seem to wrap my head around how a mother could not seem to want hers. The moms over at MomLogic questioned their readers today, "Is Casey Anthony a Criminal Mom?" While it's not my place to sit in judgment of this mother... it is so hard to not jump to the conclusion that she is in fact a criminal mom and worse a mom that didn't care enough for her daughter to take care of her properly, didn't care enough to protect her.

So now with the rest of the country I sit and wait and wonder, where is Caylee? Will she ever come home? Only God knows and unlike her own mother, God will never abandon little Caylee. Wherever she is, she is not alone.

Join me in saying a prayer for her and all of the other missing children.

~Craving Baby

I know the TTC name for it is "Baby Dancing".... but maybe it should be the "Baby Making Game"?

I'm starting to think that I should make my husband and me jerseys to wear... we are after all active players in the "baby making game". Just like any other game there is preparation, thought and a victory on our minds everytime the big "O" rolls around. I have to say, it's only been three months and I'm a little exhausted.

God bless the couples that try and try for years with no success... it has to be agonizing. I am of course using the ovulation predictor tests and while it didn't work out last month I'm crossing my fingers (and raising my hips) that it will this month.

Hope all you mamas and mamas-to-be out there in the blogosphere had a wonderful weekend.

~CravingBaby

It's official. It's August 1st and as far as I can tell Christmas is next week. At least it feels that way. I woke up, looked at the calender and couldn't believe that July is gone and over and there are only five months left in the year.

So with only five months left I started thinking back to my New Years Resolutions. Sadly I couldn't remember what they were... must not have been that great to begin with. So moving forward here are my resolutions for the remaining five months of 2008:

1. Get a back-up drive for both my computers (that's right ladies... when the hard drive on my laptop crashed last weekend I lost everything... painful lesson learned... must back up).
2. Eat healthy and continue to take my prenatal vitamins every day.
3. Get preggers (I know I can't fully control this... but I'm sure gonna try).
4. Keep my office neat and clean (it tends to get really messy when I've got a lot going on).
5. Enjoy what may be the very last months my husband and I have all to ourselves (at least for 18 years).
6. Take a baby-moon or conception-moon this Fall.
7. Blog each and every day... not as easy as it would seem... but totally worth it.
8. Spend quality time with my girlfriends... they light up my life.
9. Spend quality time with my godchildren... they are tremendous blessings.
10. Breathe (this one might sound silly... but sometimes one forgets to just breathe).

So there you have it. My ten resolutions for the next five months of 2008. Oh... and just in case I don't get a chance to tell you all... Happy Holidays (You laugh now... but seriously... they'll be here before you know it).

~CravingBaby